Why Can’t We Have A Fantasy Relative Draft?

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My husband is taking part in a Fantasy Football league for the first time. Luckily, the group of men participating are not as serious as the league where the winner of the season chooses a permanent tattoo to be inked on the loser. I just can’t picture him with a 5 inch diameter, full color Care Bear or Justing Bieber tattoo. As far as I know, their league is mostly about beer, wings, and trash talk.

Watching him draft players started me thinking about how wonderful it would be if we could draft our own “team” of relatives. Obviously, if you are so inclined, I would suggest you use your first round draft choice to choose your mate, since you will be spending most of your time with him/her. The rest of the draft picks and strategy are up to you.

Is it more important to have a caring, always supportive mother who will babysit, or a non-competitive sibling who doesn’t hit you up for money? Would a gentle and wise grandfather make your life more complete, or a boisterous uncle with box tickets to every sporting event scheduled for the next 20 years?

The last few rounds are bound to be tricky, and will require signing some offensive (meaning unpleasant, irritating, causing anger) players. Maybe a chain smoking, foul-mouthed grandmother who hits on 30 year old men would be better in the long run than a young punk cousin who used you as his one call from prison after he “accidentally” robbed a convenience store. Hopefully, you will be able to pick up a sweet, cookie baking great aunt from waivers later.

There will still be trash talk. “My family’s all out brawl that started at a four-star restaurant, and ended when the police were called kicks the butt of your family’s embarrassing viral YouTube video of your mom’s and dad’s naked pleather protest.”

And there will still be beer and wings.

“WHEW”

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And double “Whew.”

It took us 3 whole weeks to recover from Buffer Zone Day 2013. Wine and liquor bottles have been recycled, and you can once again find cheese at the local groceries. This year’s winner was truly deserving, and we can’t wait to see where they display their lovely, and oh-so-special trophy. Thanks to everyone involved for sharing their dysfunctional family stories and incidents, and for all the nice comments pertaining to this year’s Buffer Zone Day.

Schadenfreude is a German word that translated into English means ‘Fail-Joy’, or pleasure derived from the misfortunes of others. If Buffer Zone Day gets any more schadenfreude-ish we will need to start dressing in lederhosen.

Every year, we strive to make Buffer Zone Day bigger, better, and more festive that the last. Frankly, we are a little stumped as how to top BZD13. Maybe we will have a contest for Buffer Zone Day 2014, open to everyone, with a spectacular prize for the best dysfunctional story or incident. We are still kicking around ideas, amusing ourselves in the process, so stay tuned to this blog.