Why Can’t We Have A Fantasy Relative Draft?


My husband is taking part in a Fantasy Football league for the first time. Luckily, the group of men participating are not as serious as the league where the winner of the season chooses a permanent tattoo to be inked on the loser. I just can’t picture him with a 5 inch diameter, full color Care Bear or Justing Bieber tattoo. As far as I know, their league is mostly about beer, wings, and trash talk.

Watching him draft players started me thinking about how wonderful it would be if we could draft our own “team” of relatives. Obviously, if you are so inclined, I would suggest you use your first round draft choice to choose your mate, since you will be spending most of your time with him/her. The rest of the draft picks and strategy are up to you.

Is it more important to have a caring, always supportive mother who will babysit, or a non-competitive sibling who doesn’t hit you up for money? Would a gentle and wise grandfather make your life more complete, or a boisterous uncle with box tickets to every sporting event scheduled for the next 20 years?

The last few rounds are bound to be tricky, and will require signing some offensive (meaning unpleasant, irritating, causing anger) players. Maybe a chain smoking, foul-mouthed grandmother who hits on 30 year old men would be better in the long run than a young punk cousin who used you as his one call from prison after he “accidentally” robbed a convenience store. Hopefully, you will be able to pick up a sweet, cookie baking great aunt from waivers later.

There will still be trash talk. “My family’s all out brawl that started at a four-star restaurant, and ended when the police were called kicks the butt of your family’s embarrassing viral YouTube video of your mom’s and dad’s naked pleather protest.”

And there will still be beer and wings.

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