Hell On The Highway

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What do the numbers 20, 17, 16, 15, 13, 12, 10, 8, 7, 5, 3, and 1 have in common? Is it an ancient civilization’s numerical message that holds the answer to the secret of life? The solution to the Da Vinci Code? The next Powerball lottery jackpot?

WRONG!

Those numbers are the ages of the Kellogg children traveling, and living, in the RV pictured above. Yes, you read that correctly. 12 kids + 2 adults + 1 dog = My Version of Hell.

rv

You notice in this picture taken at the Florida RV Association SuperShow (where else?), no one is smiling, and rightfully so. I can’t imagine traveling across the United States listening to toddlers’ tantrums over who last slept on the table-bed by the window in the front of the motor home, and middle-age children sing loudly along with whoever is the pop music sensation at the moment. As for the teenagers, there is nothing like passing through Pensacola and puberty at the same time.

Once again proving the intelligence of dogs, it seems Labradoodle Eddie keeps running away. Eldest daughter, Kerry, also escaped, and is working at a ski resort in Colorado, where she probably has a luxurious single bed she doesn’t have to share with anyone unless she wants to. The parents, Dan and Susie, think she will be back traveling with the family in Spring, but if I were her parents I wouldn’t hold my breath.

On the plus side, the children, who are home schooled, are kayaking their way through our beautiful country. That is one heck of a Geography lesson. Also in the plus column is the fact that…., no, um…., I guess….how about…uh, they are learning to share?

More power to the Kelloggs for making it all about the journey, even though the journey involves spending all day driving, and driving, and driving with 12 children. Imagining the noise, the arguments, my mind reels as I break out in pinpoint red hives. How do you do laundry for 14 when on the road? How do you do laundry for 14 anywhere? What kind of meals can you prepare in two crockpots that the whole brood will happily eat? Remember there are elementary age children aboard. You sure aren’t going through the fast food drive-through in that 36 foot long vehicle. Is there space available in the teeny refrigerator to store enough cheese to last till the next grocery store visit?

The video in the link below shows Susie and Dan talking and looking like regular, normal people! I would be a whimpering, crazy-talking basket case, nursing the scrapes I incurred when I jumped out the back window of the RV. Would you attempt this (the fourteen-humans-and-one-canine-in-an-RV thing, not the leap-out-the-window-of-an-RV thing)?

http://www.tampabay.com/sports/outdoors/more-people-can-live-in-an-rv-than-you-think/2161382

10 thoughts on “Hell On The Highway

  1. I cannot imagine the chaos …either that…or those kids must hold all of their emotions and feelings in check 24/7. IT IS INSANITY! While reading this, I felt tons of anger building up in me towards these parents! Must have hit a raw nerve…I grew up in a family of eleven children, grandparents and a great aunt living with us…all under one roof. My Mom would NOT allow pets. LOL….I would run for the fields and climb the hillside everyday for a space of quiet and solitude…this is very true….I cannot imagine to live like this in a RV! It would overwhelm me to death!

    • Exactly! Chaos and insanity! Having only one sister myself, I feel my chest tighten at the very thought of being confined in a large, metal “container” with all of those people breathing on me. I’m sure you are able to imagine the situation more vividly.
      I wonder, when grown, if the children will appreciate the sights they have seen, or resent the lack of space, privacy, and opportunity to hang with their peers. A follow up article in 15 years, such as the one I suggested TLC film about the Duggars (see it here- http://thebufferzone.net/2013/04/06/19-kids-and-dysfunctional/ ) would be fascinating.

  2. I love your “How do you do laundry for 14 ANYWHERE comment?” That is so true! Having six, I just looked exhaustedly at all the clothes on the floor and fell backwards into the whole thing – – one giant helpless heap. (are you all too young to remember the Nestea plunge commercial!? lol) That was far too big of an undertaking for even Calgon to take me away from. I have no clue how these people do it. None. btw, love your blog and thank you so much for the new follow. Curious how you might have come across me?
    Stephanie

    • There are just two of us now, and I still wonder how the laundry multiplies so quickly.
      Thanks for the kind comment. I saw a witty reply you posted to a blog I follow, and decided correctly that your blog would be fun. All the best, Diane

  3. Oh Diane, I just love your blog and your hilarious posts. I missed this one for some reason, maybe when I was having laptop problems. I can’t even imagine this, nightmare! Although we have been known to take caravan holidays with 6 of us in a caravan meant for 2…don’t ask…!

    I’m not sure if you ‘do’ awards or not but I wanted you to know that I’ve nominated you for The Linda Mad Hatter Jesters Award to say thanks for being such a fun and witty blog. You always make me smile Diane! Here is the link: http://sherrimatthewsblog.com/2014/02/18/award-part-two-fun-and-flowers-to-brighten-the-day/

    Congratulations, you deserve it 🙂

    • My goodness! Thank you! I’m glad this blog provides a chuckle. I haven’t participated in any awards, but would be happy to answer questions or post answers for The Linda Mad Hatter Jesters Award.
      On a side note, I must warn you that your delightful post pictures make me want to hop a plane and show up on your doorstep. I think we would have quite the lovely ladies lunch. 🙂

      • Ahh, you are so welcome Diane, my absolute pleasure. I love your blog, your witty posts always make me smile, or laugh out loud actually 🙂
        Oh I would love that so much! Book your ticket and get here as soon as possible…I know just the place for the best ever ladies lunch 🙂

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