Yay For Me!! Uh, Wait…

I recently got a message from Word Press congratulating me on my 50th blog post. I was feeling pretty proud of myself since I fittingly started this blog on April 1st, 2013.

IMG_5855  I looked like this.

Until I remembered that I only write about 5 paragraphs, and had a 12 Days of Dysfunction Christmas song, where I added a line a day. Suddenly, my stats were not so impressive.

Like most people, real life and time constraints come into play. While I always have blog ideas swimming around in my somewhat fuzzy brain, I find myself spending most of my available time reading some really impressive and entertaining posts by other bloggers.

We are gearing up for the The Buffer Zone Dysfunctional Family Survey posts, so check back to amuse yourself with crazy family incidents, and feel better about your DNA. Until then, I will be re-blogging some of my favorite posts by incredible writers.

Remember you only have 123 days until The Buffer Zone Day.

Schadenfreude Smackdown

avenueq5Photo: Cinemablographer

Schadenfreude-noun. From German Schaden-damage and Freude-joy.  Happiness at the misfortune of others.

Until I heard the lyrics of the song “Schandenfreude” from the musical Avenue Q, I was not familiar with the word. If you haven’t seen the musical written by Robert Lopez, Jeff Marx and Jeff Whitty, puppets (which are visually operated by actors), and a character named Gary Coleman sing:

“Right now you are down and out and feeling really crappy, and when I see how sad you are it sort of makes me…Happy!”

It depends on the misfortune, of course, but we here at the Buffer Zone have to honestly admit we have been known to snort diet soda out of our nose after someone shares their dysfunctional relative story. Not only do these stories make us happy, they also make us feel like we are not alone, a member of a community of crazies, if you will.

Check out our survey here http://wp.me/p3lORd-42 or cut to the chase and e-mail thebufferzonesurvey@yahoo.com your answer this question:

6. Without naming names, who is the relative in your family that causes all the drama? What incident best illustrates their craziness, “personality” or friction they bring to your family?

The contest will end March 15, 2014. A few sneak peaks will be posted in the next week, and the surveys will be posted at the end of March, with a link to your blog if you wish. If you don’t care to share your dysfunctional DNA, our lips are sealed.

This Is Why You Don’t Mix DNA

photo-16

If you can’t read the above question, or can’t believe you just read the above question, here it is:

“If I Am Pregnant Will The Baby Be Part My Man’s Wife Too? I heard the DNA might get mixed because they are married and it would be 50% him (because he is a man) and then 25% me and her. It has something to do with a baby needs two x’s and one y and that is how a child gets it if the dad is married, right? P.S. Don’t worry, he is going to leave her soon because he loves me. She is psycho though and is holding on to him even though he hates her. I am only asking because I don’t want my baby to look like her. She is gross”.

You do the math.

50%  of a baby’s DNA is from the daddy + 25% from the mommy + 25% from the baby daddy’s wife = gross baby.

This question, posed on the internet, is funny because it’s so unbelievable (yet in reality, it’s a sad situation). I wonder where she got the 50/25/25 information? There is still sex education in school, isn’t there?

When I was young (OK, admittedly a long time ago), what facts you didn’t know, or already suspect, were taught in 5th grade. The boys were ushered into one classroom with the male gym teacher, and the girls were kept in another with a female teacher.  After a short film, and no discussion (because no one dared ask a question), we went back to our regular classroom and spent the rest of the day avoiding eye contact with the opposite sex. We knew, that they knew, what we knew.

Of course, the teachers never covered the baby daddy subject since it wasn’t trending at that time.

Although, if this girl is on to something, it could explain why one of your siblings is nothing like the rest of the family. They weren’t switched at birth at the hospital, or abducted by aliens and replaced with an alien baby as you suspected. Their DNA got “mixed.”

I’m sure quite a few of you are wondering about this right now. While you may not like the idea of your daddy mixing it up with anyone, when it comes down to it, that has to be better than thinking you share the same genetic makeup as your bizarre family member.

And honey, he’s never going to leave her. Go find a man worthy of your X chromosome.