Starting Off The Buffer Zone Survey Posts!

Just as I was getting ready to publish The Buffer Zone Dysfunctional Family Survey responses, it hit me that I would not have a photograph to add to each post. Past posts have included mug shots, and while I’m sure there are some of those to be found of our survey subjects, if we are not naming names we probably shouldn’t be posting pictures. Most of our responders didn’t even want to link their blogs. Which is okay with us, this being The Buffer Zone and all. In the past, I probably would have made little dioramas, with hand painted backgrounds and Polymer clay accessories, but, alas, the upcoming posts will probably contain whatever I come up with in 15 minutes.

At the beginning, I thought it would be interesting to see if someone’s culture or family size affected the level of drama between relatives. Who was I kidding? Everyone really just wants to read the answer to the following question to see if their dysfunctional relative is more offensive than anyone else’s: Without naming names, who is the relative in your family that causes all the drama? And what incident best illustrates their craziness, “personality” or friction they bring to your family?

photo_1-11“The Johnson Girls Rule”

The lovely Luanna, http://www.sothislife.com, starts us off. “Drama award goes to my Aunt….gossipy bitch that she is, but it’s either made up or half true (I just talked to her today for an hour), and my Mom came in second. One of us most likely did all the other things or something quite close or worse, they used red spray paint but we thought they were funny, (I painted The Desiderata on my bedroom wall in oil paint, that got a lot of talk). No punching out except a family member or close friend. But my Daddy and Grandfather were ladies men. Come to think of it all the men are ladies men, and all the ladies flirt but no one got involved with a family members spouse (we have morals) besides we knew too much about them to want to do such a thing (gross). Just ask my Aunt or one of her 3 daughters (it’s inherited). My 3 nieces named themselves “Johnson Girls Rule” (whatever they want). We truly function quite well in our own dysfunctional way.”

Glad you are all functioning well Luanna!

Do Women Cause More Family Drama Than Men?

photo-5

Hmmm. It does seem that way.

By no means is this a scientific study, but The Buffer Zone Dysfunctional Family Survey entries are all about women. Do mean girls just grow up to mean girl relatives?

The responses have been quite wonderful, providing a hearty chuckle, and a feeling of kinship, although I don’t really want to be your kin because I have my own crazy relative, thank you.

Is a woman or man causing all the crazy drama in your family, or do you have a couple of dysfunctional family members? Here is your chance to explain, excuse, rat out, or vent about that person. The question below (#6.) is the one we are all waiting to read, so you can send in the answer to only that question, along with a link to your blog, etc. if you wish, or answer all the questions in our survey http://wp.me/p3lORd-42 by e-mailing responses to thebufferzonesurvey@yahoo.com.

6. Without naming names, who is the relative in your family that causes all the drama? And what incident best illustrates their craziness, “personality” or friction they bring to your family? Was it the time your great aunt slurped up the spaghetti she spilled down her blouse at your engagement party? When your grandfather got arrested after the family reunion for writing “The McMurty’s Rule!” in black spray paint on the rented hall, and then punching our the security guard? Or the holiday your cousin showed up drunk, did a semi-strip tease interpretive dance, and then slept with your husband?

The contest ends at 11:59 EST on March 15, 2014. The rules are as follows: …uh, wait, there are no rules. We don’t care about grammar, punctuation, or even if it’s completely 100% true. Amuse us.

Where Are They?

mailbox

Rushing to the mailbox immediately after hearing the mail carrier driving down the street, I throw open the mailbox door, and am immediately disappointed. I keep hoping to find a big fat envelope, containing the most entertaining item you can receive this season of the year-THE ANNUAL CHRISTMAS LETTER.

There are two kinds of Christmas letters: 1. The letters from your friends across the country, composed of pictures of their families.  2. The dispatch of dysfunction.

While I love to receive the first kind, because I sincerely want to keep in touch with my friends and enjoy their pictures, the second kind fills me with glee. This missive is to be savored, reread, and read aloud to your friends for the entertainment of all.

When we were growing up, we received many holiday letters, one being so spectacularly amusing, we forbade our mother to open it before we arrived. But in the last few years, we’ve only received a few, and I’m blaming facebook, blogs and all social media.

Why write a yearly letter, when you have already posted that your two year old was just accepted to Mensa? Or that your bunion surgery was a disaster that condemned you to rehab, and ugly footwear, for the rest of your life? I know you kicked out your bum-of-a-spouse because they hooked up with someone in rehab, and that your step-son lifted your Cubic Zirconia earrings to use for his nose piercings. Everyone has seen your blogs about “the big job” you have acquired, and know you think it is unfair that co-workers think your promotion was the result of your double-D breast enhancement.

Where is the family gossip? Where are the thinly veiled insults followed by “Bless her heart?” Is obnoxious-bragging-Christmas-letter writing a lost art?

Since our mailbox is standing forlornly at the end of our driveway, losing hope, I’m counting on my awesome followers/readers to message me with the best holiday letters they receive. I will change the names and post them here, spreading joy and merriment to all.

Have to go. Just heard of a contact with a legendary Christmas letter. Going to facebook friend her this instant in hope of getting on her 2013 letter list.