Yay For Me!! Uh, Wait…

I recently got a message from Word Press congratulating me on my 50th blog post. I was feeling pretty proud of myself since I fittingly started this blog on April 1st, 2013.

IMG_5855  I looked like this.

Until I remembered that I only write about 5 paragraphs, and had a 12 Days of Dysfunction Christmas song, where I added a line a day. Suddenly, my stats were not so impressive.

Like most people, real life and time constraints come into play. While I always have blog ideas swimming around in my somewhat fuzzy brain, I find myself spending most of my available time reading some really impressive and entertaining posts by other bloggers.

We are gearing up for the The Buffer Zone Dysfunctional Family Survey posts, so check back to amuse yourself with crazy family incidents, and feel better about your DNA. Until then, I will be re-blogging some of my favorite posts by incredible writers.

Remember you only have 123 days until The Buffer Zone Day.

Is This Proving Our Survey Theory?

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I think we are on to something in The Buffer Zone Dysfunctional Family Survey/Contest.

According to the Smoking Gun, Thaddeus Morgan, 24, was arrested for interfering with an emergency call and misdemeanor assault after he allegedly pushed, slapped, and broke the glasses of his sister/roommate after a fight about “not putting the toilet seat down.”

Do men resort to brawling, shooting, or biting off the ear (http://wp.me/p3lORd-4f) of relatives in a disagreement, however minor, while women go all “Mean Girl” bitchy?

What do you think? Let’s hear it.

Enter your relative in our survey/contest (http://wp.me/p3IORd-42).

Photo courtesy of http://huff.to/1hMGWxH

Do Women Cause More Family Drama Than Men?

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Hmmm. It does seem that way.

By no means is this a scientific study, but The Buffer Zone Dysfunctional Family Survey entries are all about women. Do mean girls just grow up to mean girl relatives?

The responses have been quite wonderful, providing a hearty chuckle, and a feeling of kinship, although I don’t really want to be your kin because I have my own crazy relative, thank you.

Is a woman or man causing all the crazy drama in your family, or do you have a couple of dysfunctional family members? Here is your chance to explain, excuse, rat out, or vent about that person. The question below (#6.) is the one we are all waiting to read, so you can send in the answer to only that question, along with a link to your blog, etc. if you wish, or answer all the questions in our survey http://wp.me/p3lORd-42 by e-mailing responses to thebufferzonesurvey@yahoo.com.

6. Without naming names, who is the relative in your family that causes all the drama? And what incident best illustrates their craziness, “personality” or friction they bring to your family? Was it the time your great aunt slurped up the spaghetti she spilled down her blouse at your engagement party? When your grandfather got arrested after the family reunion for writing “The McMurty’s Rule!” in black spray paint on the rented hall, and then punching our the security guard? Or the holiday your cousin showed up drunk, did a semi-strip tease interpretive dance, and then slept with your husband?

The contest ends at 11:59 EST on March 15, 2014. The rules are as follows: …uh, wait, there are no rules. We don’t care about grammar, punctuation, or even if it’s completely 100% true. Amuse us.

Game On!

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Here we go all of you wonderful followers, and all of you wonderful stop-by-to-read oncers! A little sneak peak of answer number 6 from our first entry to our The Buffer Zone dysfunctional family member contest, sent to us by the lovely Luanna, http://www.sothislife.com.

6. Without naming names, who is the relative in your family that causes all the drama? And what incident best illustrates their craziness, “personality” or friction they bring to your family? Was it the time your great aunt slurped up the spaghetti she spilled down her blouse at your engagement party? When your grandfather got arrested after the family reunion for writing “The McMurty’s Rule!” in black spray paint on the rented hall, and then punching our the security guard? Or the holiday your cousin showed up drunk, did a semi-strip tease interpretive dance, and then slept with your husband?

“Drama award goes to my Aunt….gossipy bitch that she is, but it’s either made up or half true (I just talked to her today for an hour), and my Mom came in second. One of us most likely did all the other things or something quite close or worse, they used red spray paint but we thought they were funny, (I painted The Desiderata on my bedroom wall in oil paint, that got a lot of talk). No punching out except a family member or close friend. But my Daddy and Grandfather were ladies men. Come to think of it all the men are ladies men, and all the ladies flirt but no one got involved with a family members spouse (we have morals) besides we knew too much about them to want to do such a thing (gross). Just ask my Aunt or one of her 3 daughters (it’s inherited). My 3 nieces named themselves “Johnson Girls Rule” (whatever they want). We truly function quite well in our own dysfunctional way.”

So Luanna has thrown it down. Now it’s your turn to explain, excuse, rat out, or vent about your dysfunctional family member. The question above (#6.) is the one we are all waiting to read, so you can send in the answer to only that question, along with a link to your blog, etc. if you wish, or answer all the questions in our survey http://wp.me/p3lORd-42 by e-mailing responses to thebufferzonesurvey@yahoo.com.

The contest ends at 11:59 EST on March 15, 2014. The rules are as follows: …uh, wait, there are no rules. We don’t care about grammar, punctuation, or even if it’s completely 100% true. Amuse us.

“Wait Up All Night To Get Lucky”

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We are taking a break from reading the first-rate Buffer Zone Contest entries that are starting to come in by catching some of the Sochi Winter Olympics.

I have always found Olympic spirit, dedication and talent of the athletes awe-inspiring, so this performance of “Get Lucky” by the Russian Police choir at the opening ceremony seems kind of out of place.

Out of place and hilarious. First, the song choice is questionable at best. Second, could the choir members, other than a few singers, look more uncomfortable?

Watch the NBC video in all of it’s fantasticalness here:

http://shar.es/QJsAo

You are welcome.

Don’t miss out on our dysfunctional relative contest! wp.me/p3IORd-4f

I’ll Show You Mine If You Show Me Yours

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This past September, I was one of 120 people worldwide that participated in a Harsh Reality (http://www.aopinionatedman.comsurvey on the right to have an opinion. It was interesting to see the demographics of the bloggers, and how their family and culture affected their views. 

Which led me to consider whether other cultures have the same asinine, dysfunctional family issues we have here in the United States, and who would win the contest of the crazies. I don’t mean the heartbreaking family issues we, unfortunately, hear about all too often, but the ones that make us chuckle and glad we are not you. 

Everyone has one. Whenever the subject of dysfunctional families is brought up in conversation, I never fail to hear “You think that’s bad! Wait until I tell you about my bonehead family!” Then they proceed to tell me, usually using a lot of “descriptive” language, and hand motions.

Here’s your chance to lay out your family dysfunctions, and roll around on them like our dog on a dead frog.  E-mail the survey below to thebufferzonesurvey@yahoo.com either by cutting and pasting the questions, or just send us the numbered answers, and we will publish the best ones.

Tell us about the loony/loonies in your family.  We are all ears eyes.

THE BUFFER ZONE SURVEY

1. “Who Are You, Who, Who, Who, Who?” (I can’t ask that question without singing The Who Song in my head.) Male or female? Approximate age? If desired, you can add your alias, blog link, and/or twitter name here.

2. Please provide your country of origin. Where do you reside currently?

3. Are you from a large or small family? If applicable, what size family do you have now?

4. Do you have a large or small extended family? Did you grow up surrounded by grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins? Are you still surrounded by them or live in close proximity to them?

5. How frequent are your family get-togethers? Do you have a standing invitation to Sunday dinner? Are holidays one big family reunion?

Now the question that has us giddy in anticipation….

6. Without naming names, who is the relative in your family that causes all the drama? And what incident best illustrates their craziness, “personality” or friction they bring to your family? Was it the time your great aunt slurped up the spaghetti she spilled down her blouse at your engagement party? When your grandfather got arrested after the family reunion for writing “The McMurtry’s Rule!” in black spray paint on the rented hall, and then punching the security guard? Or the holiday your cousin showed up drunk, did a semi-strip tease interpretive dance, and then slept with your husband?  

If you have more than one relative in your extended family that makes you flee from family gatherings, you are welcome to send in an entry for each of them, because we feel sorry  for you, and it adds to our amusement.

This contest ends March 15, 2014, and while there is no cash prize, you do have bragging rights as having the most dysfunctional family ever in the history of the world. If any of my lovely blog readers know of someone who might want to vent participate, please share this with them. After all, misery loves company.

That Was One Too Many

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Where do people draw the line? What sets them off? What is the correct amount of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches a person should consume?

According to the Des Moines Register, the Iowa man pictured above, Jerome Davis, believes the answer is three.

His brother allegedly made three peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, and ate them in the living room. Less than an hour later, HE MADE THREE MORE!

This led to an argument about laziness and over eating. Davis is now charged with assault domestic abuse with a weapon after he allegedly pulled out one of his two folding knives and held it to his brother’s face because he wouldn’t “shut the (expletive) up and mind his own business.”

This incident brings to mind multiple questions. Foremost, is what to do if you have a knife in the vicinity of your face, but also would five PB & J’s be acceptable to eat in a living room? Would six sandwiches in the kitchen be fine? What if the sandwiches were grilled cheese? Is there an acceptable age, say ten years old, to eat six sandwiches? Since the Davis brothers are both in their 50’s, is 40 years old the age cut off? 

While we ponder these questions, Davis had his Buffer Zone established when he was taken to the Polk County jail.