“Forsooth, We Will Retire To The Forest Glen!”

 

“My Dearest Sister! Let us run with expedience deep into the forest to establish an absolute buffer zone!” Or an Absolut buffer zone, which might be more appropriate.

Are You Lonesome Tonight? Walmart Is Open 24/7

We could have predicted the results of Psychology Today magazine’s new study, and saved them a lot of money.

The magazine did a study based on Craigslist “missed connections,” and found that more people in 15 states were hit by Cupid’s arrow at Walmart than anywhere else. One minute you are checking out the rollback price, and then the love of your life catches your eye three aisles over. You quickly turn your cart with the wonky wheel, and head toward the fleeting vision, but by the time you reach the ice cream aisle your one true love has disappeared! There is nothing left to do but stock up on Samoas Cookie Ice Cream (Shout out to the Scouts!), and try to track them down on Craigslist.

If you are seeking your own Prince/Princess Charming in New York, you know to go underground where you will glimpse them step into the subway car just before the door closes leaving you love struck on the landing (Oh! Maybe someone should make a movie like that!). Pennsylvanians think they saw their future spouse by the Slurpee machine at the local convenience store. We heard of someone who met their biggest crush while they were both reaching for the last beef jerky stick at the Kwik-N-Save-N-Shop.

No one should be surprised that “The One That Hopefully Doesn’t Get Away” in California was seen at the gym chain 24 Hour Fitness. I guess sweaty bodies appeal to other sweaty bodies. But since we dislike sweating, or doing any kind of actual exercise, if we were looking for love we would shop the frozen food aisle. Unlike perspiration and yoga pants, the fluorescent lights are always flattering.

The study shows age also is a factor. An ice cream store was the most common place for missed connections for people in their 20’s. For those in their 30’s, it was a bar, and for people over 40, it was a strip club or adult bookstore.

Yeah, we could have predicted that also.