Spoiled, Ungrateful Bratty-Brat

The Buffer Zone Dysfunctional Family Survey results are in and the goal is to post one every day or so or three. The main question of our survey was: Without naming names, who is the relative in your family that causes all the drama? And what incident best illustrates their craziness, “personality” or friction they bring to your family?

“My little sister and her daughter had just spent the week with us in our little cabin in the woods. The same little mountain cabin that we had scrimped and saved for since our marriage began. In the seven days they were staying with us we visited a town festival, went river rafting, fished and hiked, and played board games, never once asking for their help with the cooking, laundry or expenses.

We invited several friends over on their last evening, and had just finished a sumptuous meal prepared by my husband, aka The Grill Master. My sister stands up, pushes her chair back dramatically, and proceeds to proclaim that she will never visit us again because we make everything all about us. We fail to take in to account her needs. Then she stomped off to the guest room, with her 26 year old daughter following her. Although I was tempted to tell her to walk to the airport the next morning, my husband and I drove her there, stopping to get her daily Starbucks fix on the way.”

Don’t let the screen door hit you on the way out Respondent’s Little Sister. Hopefully, the city you sent her brattiness off to is a decent Buffer Zone distance away. Thank you for sharing I-sure-charming-cabin-owner-with-a-guest-room. I’ll just throw in that I’m free this summer and  fold a mean towel.

Is She, Or Isn’t She?

The following Buffer Zone Dysfunctional Family Survey responder wishes to remain anonymous, bless her heart.

Our main question was: Without naming names, who is the relative in your family that causes all the drama? And what incident best illustrates their craziness, “personality” or friction they bring to your family?

“That would be my niece. I have a rather large family, with only one grandparent still living. All holidays, birthdays, and family celebrations are held at my grandmother’s small, but charming frame house. Everyone is invited to every occasion, and the attendees vary as each family has it’s own activities and schedules. All family members make an effort to be there, except for my niece. She also doesn’t RSVP, leaving the family wondering if Jane is going to show up, therefore making each occasion about her is some respect. She doesn’t miss a Christmas gathering though, or the present my grandmother will have waiting under the tree. We all had quite a laugh last Christmas, when the family matriarch passed out cards containing cash, and honestly couldn’t remember my niece’s name.”

How sweet of you Jane, to make all the celebrations about your own self. I’m guessing you also make a late entrance when you do come so all heads will turn when you walk in the door. Honey, I guarantee you that your family spends exactly 15 seconds each gathering thinking about whether you are there or not. Get over yourself.

Starting Off The Buffer Zone Survey Posts!

Just as I was getting ready to publish The Buffer Zone Dysfunctional Family Survey responses, it hit me that I would not have a photograph to add to each post. Past posts have included mug shots, and while I’m sure there are some of those to be found of our survey subjects, if we are not naming names we probably shouldn’t be posting pictures. Most of our responders didn’t even want to link their blogs. Which is okay with us, this being The Buffer Zone and all. In the past, I probably would have made little dioramas, with hand painted backgrounds and Polymer clay accessories, but, alas, the upcoming posts will probably contain whatever I come up with in 15 minutes.

At the beginning, I thought it would be interesting to see if someone’s culture or family size affected the level of drama between relatives. Who was I kidding? Everyone really just wants to read the answer to the following question to see if their dysfunctional relative is more offensive than anyone else’s: Without naming names, who is the relative in your family that causes all the drama? And what incident best illustrates their craziness, “personality” or friction they bring to your family?

“The Johnson Girls Rule”

The lovely Luanna, http://www.sothislife.com, starts us off. “Drama award goes to my Aunt….gossipy bitch that she is, but it’s either made up or half true (I just talked to her today for an hour), and my Mom came in second. One of us most likely did all the other things or something quite close or worse, they used red spray paint but we thought they were funny, (I painted The Desiderata on my bedroom wall in oil paint, that got a lot of talk). No punching out except a family member or close friend. But my Daddy and Grandfather were ladies men. Come to think of it all the men are ladies men, and all the ladies flirt but no one got involved with a family members spouse (we have morals) besides we knew too much about them to want to do such a thing (gross). Just ask my Aunt or one of her 3 daughters (it’s inherited). My 3 nieces named themselves “Johnson Girls Rule” (whatever they want). We truly function quite well in our own dysfunctional way.”

Glad you are all functioning well Luanna!

Is This Proving Our Survey Theory?

I think we are on to something in The Buffer Zone Dysfunctional Family Survey/Contest.

According to the Smoking Gun, Thaddeus Morgan, 24, was arrested for interfering with an emergency call and misdemeanor assault after he allegedly pushed, slapped, and broke the glasses of his sister/roommate after a fight about “not putting the toilet seat down.”

Do men resort to brawling, shooting, or biting off the ear (http://wp.me/p3lORd-4f) of relatives in a disagreement, however minor, while women go all “Mean Girl” bitchy?

What do you think? Let’s hear it.

Enter your relative in our survey/contest (http://wp.me/p3IORd-42).

Photo courtesy of http://huff.to/1hMGWxH

Do Women Cause More Family Drama Than Men?

Hmmm. It does seem that way.

By no means is this a scientific study, but The Buffer Zone Dysfunctional Family Survey entries are all about women. Do mean girls just grow up to mean girl relatives?

The responses have been quite wonderful, providing a hearty chuckle, and a feeling of kinship, although I don’t really want to be your kin because I have my own crazy relative, thank you.

Is a woman or man causing all the crazy drama in your family, or do you have a couple of dysfunctional family members? Here is your chance to explain, excuse, rat out, or vent about that person. The question below (#6.) is the one we are all waiting to read, so you can send in the answer to only that question, along with a link to your blog, etc. if you wish, or answer all the questions in our survey http://wp.me/p3lORd-42 by e-mailing responses to thebufferzonesurvey@yahoo.com.

6. Without naming names, who is the relative in your family that causes all the drama? And what incident best illustrates their craziness, “personality” or friction they bring to your family? Was it the time your great aunt slurped up the spaghetti she spilled down her blouse at your engagement party? When your grandfather got arrested after the family reunion for writing “The McMurty’s Rule!” in black spray paint on the rented hall, and then punching our the security guard? Or the holiday your cousin showed up drunk, did a semi-strip tease interpretive dance, and then slept with your husband?

The contest ends at 11:59 EST on March 15, 2014. The rules are as follows: …uh, wait, there are no rules. We don’t care about grammar, punctuation, or even if it’s completely 100% true. Amuse us.

Game On!

Here we go all of you wonderful followers, and all of you wonderful stop-by-to-read oncers! A little sneak peak of answer number 6 from our first entry to our The Buffer Zone dysfunctional family member contest, sent to us by the lovely Luanna, http://www.sothislife.com.

6. Without naming names, who is the relative in your family that causes all the drama? And what incident best illustrates their craziness, “personality” or friction they bring to your family? Was it the time your great aunt slurped up the spaghetti she spilled down her blouse at your engagement party? When your grandfather got arrested after the family reunion for writing “The McMurty’s Rule!” in black spray paint on the rented hall, and then punching our the security guard? Or the holiday your cousin showed up drunk, did a semi-strip tease interpretive dance, and then slept with your husband?

“Drama award goes to my Aunt….gossipy bitch that she is, but it’s either made up or half true (I just talked to her today for an hour), and my Mom came in second. One of us most likely did all the other things or something quite close or worse, they used red spray paint but we thought they were funny, (I painted The Desiderata on my bedroom wall in oil paint, that got a lot of talk). No punching out except a family member or close friend. But my Daddy and Grandfather were ladies men. Come to think of it all the men are ladies men, and all the ladies flirt but no one got involved with a family members spouse (we have morals) besides we knew too much about them to want to do such a thing (gross). Just ask my Aunt or one of her 3 daughters (it’s inherited). My 3 nieces named themselves “Johnson Girls Rule” (whatever they want). We truly function quite well in our own dysfunctional way.”

So Luanna has thrown it down. Now it’s your turn to explain, excuse, rat out, or vent about your dysfunctional family member. The question above (#6.) is the one we are all waiting to read, so you can send in the answer to only that question, along with a link to your blog, etc. if you wish, or answer all the questions in our survey http://wp.me/p3lORd-42 by e-mailing responses to thebufferzonesurvey@yahoo.com.

The contest ends at 11:59 EST on March 15, 2014. The rules are as follows: …uh, wait, there are no rules. We don’t care about grammar, punctuation, or even if it’s completely 100% true. Amuse us.

I’ll Show You Mine If You Show Me Yours

This past September, I was one of 120 people worldwide that participated in a Harsh Reality (http://www.aopinionatedman.com) survey on the right to have an opinion. It was interesting to see the demographics of the bloggers, and how their family and culture affected their views. 

Which led me to consider whether other cultures have the same asinine, dysfunctional family issues we have here in the United States, and who would win the contest of the crazies. I don’t mean the heartbreaking family issues we, unfortunately, hear about all too often, but the ones that make us chuckle and glad we are not you. 

Everyone has one. Whenever the subject of dysfunctional families is brought up in conversation, I never fail to hear “You think that’s bad! Wait until I tell you about my bonehead family!” Then they proceed to tell me, usually using a lot of “descriptive” language, and hand motions.

Here’s your chance to lay out your family dysfunctions, and roll around on them like our dog on a dead frog.  E-mail the survey below to thebufferzonesurvey@yahoo.com either by cutting and pasting the questions, or just send us the numbered answers, and we will publish the best ones.

Tell us about the loony/loonies in your family.  We are all ears eyes.

THE BUFFER ZONE SURVEY

1. “Who Are You, Who, Who, Who, Who?” (I can’t ask that question without singing The Who Song in my head.) Male or female? Approximate age? If desired, you can add your alias, blog link, and/or twitter name here.

2. Please provide your country of origin. Where do you reside currently?

3. Are you from a large or small family? If applicable, what size family do you have now?

4. Do you have a large or small extended family? Did you grow up surrounded by grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins? Are you still surrounded by them or live in close proximity to them?

5. How frequent are your family get-togethers? Do you have a standing invitation to Sunday dinner? Are holidays one big family reunion?

Now the question that has us giddy in anticipation….

6. Without naming names, who is the relative in your family that causes all the drama? And what incident best illustrates their craziness, “personality” or friction they bring to your family? Was it the time your great aunt slurped up the spaghetti she spilled down her blouse at your engagement party? When your grandfather got arrested after the family reunion for writing “The McMurtry’s Rule!” in black spray paint on the rented hall, and then punching the security guard? Or the holiday your cousin showed up drunk, did a semi-strip tease interpretive dance, and then slept with your husband?  

If you have more than one relative in your extended family that makes you flee from family gatherings, you are welcome to send in an entry for each of them, because we feel sorry  for you, and it adds to our amusement.

This contest ends March 15, 2014, and while there is no cash prize, you do have bragging rights as having the most dysfunctional family ever in the history of the world. If any of my lovely blog readers know of someone who might want to vent participate, please share this with them. After all, misery loves company.

On The Sixth Day Of Christmas

Hope Santa brought to me a superb retort, one moorre stiff drrinnkkk……, no bail requests, comfort food, drama-free days, and a Buffer Zone DMZ.

On The Second Day Of Christmas

Hope Santa brought to me drama-free days and a Buffer Zone DMZ.

Christmas Is Coming, We Are Getting Fat.

Another Thanksgiving weekend for the books, and because of our BZ there were no outbursts, or arrests for drunken lawn mower driving.

There was a lot of eating and baking, and then eating the baking, which I find much more enjoyable than venturing out to shop on Black Friday. Why would you want to camp out in the cold to fight with some stranger, when you can fight with your own family any time?

If you were fortunate enough to escape family drama for Thanksgiving, remember Christmas is coming. Maybe you are in the midst of 8 days of dysfunction right now. Remember every detail (like you could forget?) in order to entertain your friends, including us, after the holidays are over. You just might have the winning dysfunctional family incident for Buffer Zone Day 2014.