At Least It’s A Post

This program will resume shortly. Photo courtesy of Science Dump.

 

 

 

No Outlaws Allowed

The Buffer Zone Dysfunctional Family Survey results are in and the goal is to post one every day or so or three. The main question of our survey was: Without naming names, who is the relative in your family that causes all the drama? And what incident best illustrates their craziness, “personality” or friction they bring to your family?

“I was raised in a Southern Coastal town where manners were taught and expected from the moment of birth. We are a genteel clan that addresses everyone with “Ma’am”, “Sir”, or “Honey”. My sweet husband’s father imagines himself an outlaw. He roars up to joint family functions on his big motorcycle, dressed in the typical offensive saying t-shirt, black leather vest and red bandana. He loves nothing more than to shock whoever is in earshot with his racist and homophobic comments. He was finally banned from future gathering when he grabbed my aunt’s bottom and proclaimed he liked his women with meat on them.”

Thank you for submitting this anonymous follower. It is truly a shame when in-laws become outlaws. Sweet tea for all to celebrate his banishment.

Is She, Or Isn’t She?

The following Buffer Zone Dysfunctional Family Survey responder wishes to remain anonymous, bless her heart.

Our main question was: Without naming names, who is the relative in your family that causes all the drama? And what incident best illustrates their craziness, “personality” or friction they bring to your family?

“That would be my niece. I have a rather large family, with only one grandparent still living. All holidays, birthdays, and family celebrations are held at my grandmother’s small, but charming frame house. Everyone is invited to every occasion, and the attendees vary as each family has it’s own activities and schedules. All family members make an effort to be there, except for my niece. She also doesn’t RSVP, leaving the family wondering if Jane is going to show up, therefore making each occasion about her is some respect. She doesn’t miss a Christmas gathering though, or the present my grandmother will have waiting under the tree. We all had quite a laugh last Christmas, when the family matriarch passed out cards containing cash, and honestly couldn’t remember my niece’s name.”

How sweet of you Jane, to make all the celebrations about your own self. I’m guessing you also make a late entrance when you do come so all heads will turn when you walk in the door. Honey, I guarantee you that your family spends exactly 15 seconds each gathering thinking about whether you are there or not. Get over yourself.

Mother-Daughter Bonding

It’s nice that moms and their daughters can be BFFs, except you aren’t supposed to be until your daughters are real adult type people.

Usually, teen parties involving alcohol or drugs happen when the parents are away. There are “fun” moms, some I have know personally, who feel that having a small party at their house keeps teenagers from driving under the influence.

Mariel Weinand, 18, threw a shindig in her Naples, Florida home, and when the cops showed up to squelch the party, guests ran inside and cut the lights. Two girls allegedly held Mariel up, as in Weekend At Mariel’s, while she gave her mom’s cell phone number to the police.

When reached by the authorities Carolyn Weinand, mugshot (ABC7) above, stated she had no idea there was a party goin’ on since she was out of town. She gave officers her blessing to break up the party. Police found people hiding in different rooms and closets, and SURPRISE!-Carolyn hiding in the bedroom, where she changed her tune to “safe party.”

According to newser.com, she denies buying the alcohol, but she’s charged with 26 counts of selling, giving, or serving alcoholic beverages to persons under the age of 21.

Since mom and daughter are both charged with one count of having an open house party, they might want to consider a nice trip to the mall next time instead.

Another Haiku To Prove I Don’t Play Favorites

We have a two-dog limit in our neighborhood. Which is probably a good thing, because I live with someone who was not allowed to have a dog when he was a child. Mothers out there I am pleading with you to get your little boy a desperately wanted dog, even if it sheds in the kitchen. A little hand vacuum will save them wanting to adopt every dog they see when they are adults.

This is Sylvia, the Golden Doodle, named after a play by I love by A. R. Gurney. If you have ever loved a dog, you must read it, or even better, see it performed.

In case she was feeling left out, I have composed another brilliant haiku for her.

Velcro dog, chasing balls and                                                                                       eating everything, whether it’s edible or not                                                             OOOFF! Not a lap dog

I am on a roll.

A Brilliant Haiku for National Poetry Month

There are many poetry bloggers out in cyberspace capable of making you weep with their beautiful sensory images.

I’m not one of them.

However, I couldn’t let National Poetry Month start without posting this haiku dedicated to my Bichon/Poodle mix, Oliver Cromwell.

Go and bark no more                                                                                                        ye of little dog brain                                                                                                             and please pee outside.

Maybe I need to switch my focus to poetry.

Yay For Me!! Uh, Wait…

I recently got a message from Word Press congratulating me on my 50th blog post. I was feeling pretty proud of myself since I fittingly started this blog on April 1st, 2013.

  I looked like this.

Until I remembered that I only write about 5 paragraphs, and had a 12 Days of Dysfunction Christmas song, where I added a line a day. Suddenly, my stats were not so impressive.

Like most people, real life and time constraints come into play. While I always have blog ideas swimming around in my somewhat fuzzy brain, I find myself spending most of my available time reading some really impressive and entertaining posts by other bloggers.

We are gearing up for the The Buffer Zone Dysfunctional Family Survey posts, so check back to amuse yourself with crazy family incidents, and feel better about your DNA. Until then, I will be re-blogging some of my favorite posts by incredible writers.

Remember you only have 123 days until The Buffer Zone Day.

And Then There’s This

Being a wee bit Irish, we celebrate a quiet St. Patrick’s Day with a close group of friends. There are no big, green plastic sunglasses or oversize leprechaun hats, just a lovely dinner and several toasts to health and happiness. Nevertheless, in true Buffer Zone style, we usually end up whining about a relative of ours, or commenting on someone else’s crazy relative.

Until this inspiring video caught our eye, and we are just going to shut the heck up.

The St. Baldrick’s Foundation is a volunteer-driven charity committed to funding the most promising research to find cures for childhood cancers and give survivors long healthy lives. According to their website, http://www.stbaldricks.org 175,00 children worldwide are diagnosed with cancer each year. Volunteers collect monetary pledges for carefully selected research grants, then have their head shaved at one of the St.Baldrick’s events.

This video was from the the Space Coast of Florida’s St. Baldrick’s Day event that was held a few days ago. It truly captures the love and support of the children’s families and friends, as well as the whole community, as they stand “proudly bald” beside them.

“2014 was an incredible year for St. Baldrick’s on the Space Coast! In only our Third Year we grew our event to shave just over 400 heads and raised over $300,000 to fund lifesaving Pediatric Cancer Research Grants. We also became the “10th” Largest Event in North America in Total Dollars Raised out of over 1,300 events. This is truly amazing and a true testament to Brevard County’s commitment to finding an end to Childhood Cancer!”

Included in the 400+ shaved heads were children, the youngest just 5 years old, and almost 70 women. Being bald seems wee bit more important than a green beer.

Is This Proving Our Survey Theory?

I think we are on to something in The Buffer Zone Dysfunctional Family Survey/Contest.

According to the Smoking Gun, Thaddeus Morgan, 24, was arrested for interfering with an emergency call and misdemeanor assault after he allegedly pushed, slapped, and broke the glasses of his sister/roommate after a fight about “not putting the toilet seat down.”

Do men resort to brawling, shooting, or biting off the ear (http://wp.me/p3lORd-4f) of relatives in a disagreement, however minor, while women go all “Mean Girl” bitchy?

What do you think? Let’s hear it.

Enter your relative in our survey/contest (http://wp.me/p3IORd-42).

Photo courtesy of http://huff.to/1hMGWxH

Do Women Cause More Family Drama Than Men?

Hmmm. It does seem that way.

By no means is this a scientific study, but The Buffer Zone Dysfunctional Family Survey entries are all about women. Do mean girls just grow up to mean girl relatives?

The responses have been quite wonderful, providing a hearty chuckle, and a feeling of kinship, although I don’t really want to be your kin because I have my own crazy relative, thank you.

Is a woman or man causing all the crazy drama in your family, or do you have a couple of dysfunctional family members? Here is your chance to explain, excuse, rat out, or vent about that person. The question below (#6.) is the one we are all waiting to read, so you can send in the answer to only that question, along with a link to your blog, etc. if you wish, or answer all the questions in our survey http://wp.me/p3lORd-42 by e-mailing responses to thebufferzonesurvey@yahoo.com.

6. Without naming names, who is the relative in your family that causes all the drama? And what incident best illustrates their craziness, “personality” or friction they bring to your family? Was it the time your great aunt slurped up the spaghetti she spilled down her blouse at your engagement party? When your grandfather got arrested after the family reunion for writing “The McMurty’s Rule!” in black spray paint on the rented hall, and then punching our the security guard? Or the holiday your cousin showed up drunk, did a semi-strip tease interpretive dance, and then slept with your husband?

The contest ends at 11:59 EST on March 15, 2014. The rules are as follows: …uh, wait, there are no rules. We don’t care about grammar, punctuation, or even if it’s completely 100% true. Amuse us.